A Kite

So I forgot to add in my last post, one of the greatest parts of mother's day:
Kayla woke up at 6 AM and Sean got up with her only to turn on a show and fall asleep on the living room floor (we were up with bad allergies all night). At about 10:30, kayla opened my door "Mom, I brought you breakfast in bed" with a huge toothless grin. "Oh my gosh, thank you Kayla!" As she got closer, I could see it was a peanut butter and jelly toaster waffle sandwich. I took it and when I went to pick up the sandwich, the waffles were still frozen! "Mom, Dad couldn't help use the toaster and so it's still cold, I hope you don't mind." Huge hug and more thank you's. By far, the best breakfast in bed EVER.

We took the kids to fly kites last night because the weather was just right. It got cold (it's been in the 80s and suddenly there was a cold wind that came through). The boys loved the kite. McKay was terrified at first and really worried about this weird looking winged woman on a string in the sky (go figure). After he realized what was going on, he wanted to fly the kite, and, as you can see, so did Brody. They managed to fly it a bit and watched us fly it mostly. Love having fun with these kids!

On Being a Mother

My mom asked me for one Mother's Day present: To post a blog describing my feelings on being a mother. Well, I feel like I am supposed to take a freight train sized load of jumbled up feelings and place them neatly in to the back seat of a sudan. But I am up for the challenge.

You may or may not have noticed that my photos have gone from edited, great lighting, toned up hues to straight snapshots via phone and calling it good. Well, this is indicative of my current priorities. My first priority is my family: love, nurture, parent, play, spend time in the outdoors, teach, tickle, laugh, and take a million photos a minute in my mind, hoping to somehow freeze these moments. I use my phone to take photos because I have it on my most of the time for that very reason, to capture as many moments as possible. I have come to discover that I can relish the memories created by photos, even when the catch light is not perfect, eyelashes don't look like tiny perfectly focused daggers, and they have not been through Adobe Lightroom.

I think motherhood is a unique experience for everyone. I found it difficult when I went back to work when Kayla was a baby but I have since learned that instead of stewing over the fact that I can't be with my kids 24/7 I choose to embace my own unique experience. When I look at my kids my heart smiles (excluding the moments when you want to escape the madness). I love my kids more than I ever thought I could love anyone. When I am away from them, I talk about them, think about them, tell patients about them, tell coworkers about them, I just can't help it. I feel that Heavenly Father has entrusted me with a task far too important. I sometimes wonder if I can carry out the task of bringing up my children in a world where evil and hate is far too prominent. How can I teach them to love? How can I teach them not to judge? How can I teach them to become confident adults? Unfortunately, they do not come with instruction manuals and I am again left guessing if what I am doing is enough. I love them, listen to them, and attempt to teach them. However, I am seeing more and more each day that my children are teaching me far more than I could have dreamed of teaching them. I love motherhood.

Greater frustration I will never know. But greater love I could never have imagined.

This girl is hilarious. Seriously.
You know how I used to post tons of funny things that Kayla says? I have another one.... or two

Kayla: "Mom are you going to have any more babies?"
"I don't really know"
Kayla: "Well I hope you get pregnant and you have Quaplets!"
"How many is quaplets?"
Kayla: "A lot"


After a birthday party Kayla had a huge jaw breaker.
Kayla (holding up the jaw breaker): "what IS this??"
"Oh it's a jawbreaker"
Kayla: "Um, what?"
"They call it that because it's stronger than teeth."
Kayla: "Sweet, I love this 'jawwrecker'"
"Should we see if it breaks on the cement"
Kayla: "YEAH!"
Kayla (the rest of the day): "Oh man, that was the coolest 'jawwrecker' EVER, I love jawwreckers! Hey everyone, we broke a jawwrecker on the cement, it was AWESOME"

Twin Toddlers: Logistically Impossible

Have you wondered why my photos aren't looking as professional as they used to? Well....one word: I don't have time. I used to take all my photos with my SLR camera, edit them in Adobe Lightroom and then put them on my blog. Now days, I still take a lot of photos but they are with my phone, which is an excellent camera but not SLR! Oh well, the memories are still there, maybe just not the photo quality.
Today I took the boys outside to play (a common occurrence around here). The thought came to me that it is logistically impossible to have 2 toddlers, yet somehow they haven't been hit by a car, fallen down stairs, or fallen off of a counter. When other adults stop and want to chat in the park, it is almost comical at how bad of a conversationalist I have become, due to the constant motion the boys are in. One kid under your arm, the other one plunging off the slide, someone bumps their head and is now crying, one starts to run toward the street while the other starts climbing the jungle gym alone. I mean insanity at it's best. Church is a 3 hour chase-two-kids-through-the-halls session. My house constantly looks like tornado alley and every evening when we are cleaning up the living room I wonder if we should wait to clean up for a few years and just embrace the chaos. I crave a life of organization and order, where I can find the things I need in the house. I have pinned (on Pinterest) hundreds of ideas on organization. I guess I will have that organized life one day. I will have my house in order, smelling lovely, and my kitchen floor will stay clean for a few days. But ya know what, I have a feeling I will miss the sound of little feet running across that dirty floor. I will miss sitting in the middle of our toy-covered living room holding my babies snuggled in a blanket. I don't think I will regret putting all my free time in to my family. Organization can wait, those sweet growing kids can't.

Lessons

Even with my slackish blogging (or just lack of blogging) our children still continue to grow, I just can't stop it as hard as I try.
It seems our world is always changing, continually taking us on adventures that surprise us. Recently, I was made a nursing supervisor at work. It's been a really good learning experience for me and created opportunities for me to grow as a nurse and a person. The responsibility of running a whole floor makes for busy shifts, which makes my days off even more enjoyable.
I consider myself so lucky and humbled to be a part of so many lives as a nurse. Recently, through some really poignant experiences, I am reminded how quickly life can change. I see people pass away in my line of work. Some elderly, who have lived long lives, others are far too young and unexpected. A good while ago, I was taking care of a young mother who was terminally ill. One evening when I walked in to find her embracing her son while he sobbed in her arms, it suddenly hit me: Why do I ever take anything for granted? This young mother may have had the opportunity to say goodbye but that is not always the case. I should hug my kids that tight, with that much pure love every day. Since that day I have not let one day pass without feeling true gratitude in my heart for living. I breathe the morning air in and think of how thankful I am for each breath. I look at every silly grin my kids make and feel thankful I am with them. I say a prayer of gratitude for my husband and what a best friend and phenomenal father he is. I am thankful for everyday, and I will never ever forget the lesson this young mother taught me.

"I have a feeling"

While the five of us are driving in the car, Kayla leans forward from the back seat and says, thoughtfully: "Dad, mom, Sometimes I have a feeling I might be a real princess." Sean and I smile at each other. Sean: "Kayla, I think you might be right."

While the whirl of my busy life seems to continue on, I have been looking at things differently. Attempting to establish more inner balance and connection to the earth (okay yeah, I am sort of a hippy.) But I only have one chance to live this life and I want to enjoy it. On my days off, we take a drive, take the kids to the children's museum, go to the snowboard shop, go for a walk, play in the snow. I think when I see people pass away and leave bewildered family members behind, I start to realize how quickly things can change. Every day I spend with my family is a gift. Sitting on the floor playing with the kids in my pajamas is never time wasted. I found the above photo of Kayla from when she was only a couple of days old. It cracks me up. Sassy from birth.
With my brood, there is no denying my hands are full but my heart is too.
Enjoying these little monkeys before they are grown.

Bringing you up to Speed

It seems as though life has been so busy lately. Not the kind of busy that is like "oh good, I got a lot done today" but the sort of busy when you are going to bed at 2 AM and you think "oh my, I didn't even have time to shower today."

It has been a good while since I have journaled here so I shall bring the record up to date. We had a fabulous Christmas. It was simple but fabulous. The kids had fun, we didn't have a lot of plans, and we were together. We welcomed "Skippy" into our home. He is from the North pole and came to make sure the kids are on Santa's nice list. We loved all the silly places he hid each day and the funny tricks he would play. Definitely added to the magic this year. 

My dad came out to visit right before Christmas too which was a blast! It was a short visit but priceless (see photos below)

Kayla had her dance recital and did great! She is in Jazz this year and loves it. Can't believe she has been dancing for 3 years!

2 days after Christmas we took our first family trip to Disneyland. Leading up to the trip is when the chaotic business started. I was working overtime every week for about a month before the trip (to fund it) and it was crazy. No matter how hard we tried to keep calm and carry on, it just seemed so chaotic. We made it though!

The trip turned out to be a blast! We surprised Kayla and she didn't know we were going to Disneyland until the morning we went. We broke the news to her in the hotel room. Epic moment. You can see the video here.

The first day in Anaheim, Sean's parents took the boys so we could have a day with Kayla by herself in the park. We had so much fun. We saw about 7 different princesses, one of which is Kayla's favorite: Merida. She is also a huge fan of Rapunzel (hence the beanie) which we were able to see too. Rapunzel even had Flynn Ryder with her too, so much fun for Kayla. She loved the rides too. Her favorite was Space Mountain and Splash Mountain but she was afraid of the Jungle Cruise (go figure). A bit of a thrill seeker are we?

Anyone who is planning to take a trip here is my Disneyland money saving advice: take food in to the park! They allow it now. We brought a whole loaf of bread and the Goober PB/Jelly mix. We also brought snacks like granola bars, bananas, a water bottle, fruit leather, ect. We only bought food once. Otherwise you can easily spend $100 on food in one day... ridiculous!

I was a huge fan of California Adventure too. Cars Land is the most impressive thing I have seen by Disney; hands down. The road you walk down resembles Radiator Springs exactly. They even have a orange cone Hotel!! (you can tell this whole thing brought out the kid in me)

After DIsneyland, we spent a few days in Newport Beach. It was absolutely beautiful. The kids played in the water for hours, we walked miles up the boardwalk, played in the sand, and soaked up the sun. I may have almost cried when the sun set on the last day we were there. I didn't want to go home, not even a little. I believe we made a priceless memory that week. Family together time is like nothing else. These little kidlets are growing far too fast. I told my dad today I want one thing in life: enough money to take a lot of vacations. I don't want to be rich, have a fancy house or a fancy car.....I just want to vacation a few times per year. It's therapeutic for us.

Since we got back, Sean started the semester, I am back to work, and we are just trying to make it in this world. 

I think I try and sugar coat things but I am going to be honest: I have been so tired lately. I think the graveyard shift takes years off your life and it sucks the marrow from your bones. It works though, for now, it works...therefore, I am going to keep on going. Luckily, I love my job and love the people I work with. And happiness in the workplace: you can't put a price-tag on that.

Okay, I am going to end this novel with a Kayla Quote:

"Mom, sometimes I think I want to grow up and be just like you. Then other times, I feel like I just want to be your daughter forever and not grow up at all"

Love that girl.

Good night.