Today I am feeling mixed. There is a big change coming. I recently took another job which is a big deal because I love my current job in many ways and I absolutely love the people I work with. The one downside to working in any hospital is the night shift. Some people are cut out for it, I however, am not. For two years I have worked rotating shifts between graveyard (6PM-6AM) and days here and there. And over the past two years I have fallen in to a greater vegetative state. I have energy to expend at work, giving 100% to patients, coworkers, and the flow of the floor. But at home I am merely surviving. I sleep terrible in the day, after falling asleep at 7AM, I awake at 12 noon exhausted but can't return to sleep. My kids suffer from my exhaustion, my husband suffers from my exhaustion and my energy tank has become completely empty. Nothing left. A few months ago, Sean came to me and, in a kind way said "Hannah, you need to find something with daytime hours. We want you back." I knew I didn't want to take just any day job, it had to be something I really felt good about. About a month after that I received a message from a friend, telling me there was an opening for a dialysis RN at the dialysis center right near the hospital I currently work. The hours are all days! I applied and was called for an interview. When I went in to interview it was after a night shift. I felt exhausted but when I walked in to the building it was bright, open, and it just felt right. I was offered the job and accepted. Last night was my last night shift. I may never stay up again my whole life. I would be okay with that. Leaving the job comes with a price though, I am so sad to say goodbye to the people I work with. I have been a supervisor for over a year and a nurse there for 2 years. I have been inspired by them and it is painful to say goodbye. I start my new job on Monday and I am very excited, a little nervous too. I am staying on as a PRN nurse in the Emergency Room at the hospital I have been working so I can keep my skills fresh on a variety of things. So here starts the next chapter, one that has me putting my kids to bed at night. I will spend time with my daughter every day after school, and I can maybe feel normal again. As sad as I am to leave, this feels like the right thing for us.
And yeah, that first picture, the boys are using the drawers as a step ladder (what am I supposed to do now?)!!